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CONFIDENCE IS KEY
Let’s face it, it’s not easy being a single guy in the dating scene. You have to suffer through countless rejections, feel awkward and uncomfortable and always worry about what to say, how to say it and whether you are coming across too strong, or if you’re actually making progress.
Then, there are the other guys to worry about.
Not only do you have to summon up the confidence to speak with women, you have to deal with countless “blockers” who will do everything in their power to add difficulty to your pick up, to throw a wrench in your plans and to possibly steal the girl.
Women are difficult to impress these days. They expect more from us, they are immune to the old pick up lines, and if we even say one thing wrong, we risk the chances of her walking away or moving onto the next guy.
So, what can we do to increase our chances at hitting it out of the park and going home with a quality woman?
Confidence is key when it comes to being successful in the dating scene. The more confident you are, the most women you will attract – it’s as simple as that.
But don’t confuse confidence with cockiness. Women love men who know who they are, and what they want but they despise guys who are cocky, arrogant and self involved.
You need to keep your focus on her by encouraging her to talk about herself, taking a genuine interest in getting to know her better, while engaging her every step of the way.
Don’t just nod your head in agreement but instead, ask her questions.. “Is that right?”, “Why did that happen?”. The more genuine you appear to be, the easier it will be to get closer to her.
Confidence comes with experience, and you’ll quickly discover that the more you speak with women, and the more successful you are, the more believable you’ll be.
You need to learn to be a dynamic listener when hooking up with women.
Women want you to really listen to what they're saying but more importantly, they want a response. They want to see physical signs that you really are paying attention.
Women are the catharsis of emotion and self expression, and you better be on your game and prepared to respond to the things she is saying, otherwise you'll lose any chance of it going any further.
So, don't just nod your head in agreement, or "uh huh" everything she says.
Take a personal interest in the conversation because it's likely that she'll quiz you on what she said through the many ways women do. "What do you think about what I said?".. "So, do you agree?".
You also want to make sure that your body language is giving her the validation she's looking for. Look her directly in the eyes when she's talking to you.
Don't cross your arms in front of you when she's talking, or when you are answering. Crossing your arms is a sign that you aren't comfortable, and can make her feel as though you are judging her.
Turn your shoulders towards her, lean in closer when she is talking about something sensitive or personal, and remember to make intermittent eye contact throughout the conversation.
And then, encourage her to share more with you. Yes, more. You open up the floodgate by giving her permission to vent, to talk, to share, to connect and to confide in you, and she will quickly let you in.
Don't become the friend, but let her know it's okay for her to talk about herself. Just make sure to pay attention.
Eliminate Shyness & Gain Confidence
Did you know that shyness is contagious?
Like any social behavior, you can influence someone’s response and body language by how you address them, and communicate with them.
One of the greatest obstacles that men face every day when venturing into the dating scene is in overcoming their shyness. We need to be confident in order to have a chance with women, yet if we’ve suffered from lack of self esteem for most of our lives, or we are uncomfortable or inexperienced talking to women, it’s often easier said than done.
People unconsciously mirror our behavior. If you talk to a woman and you exude confidence, the woman you are talking to will feel more confident. If you approach a woman and you seem awkward or uncomfortable, you will make her feel awkward and uncomfortable.
And if you approach a woman and are shy around her, she will begin to feel shy as well!
If you are naturally shy, here is a way that you can “fake confidence” until you become more experienced dealing with the opposite sex:
CONTROL THE CONVERSATION!
Next time you strike up a conversation with someone, instead of allowing your shyness to overwhelm you and control your reactions, YOU take control of the conversation by focusing your thoughts on how your responses and reactions will control them.
For example, when you see someone, consider taking instant action by smiling, or winking. Odds are they will mirror your response. Then, start talking to them while thinking of what you want their reaction to be. Think to yourself “be positive, be upbeat, be funny, be entertaining”, because the more you do these things, the more she will do the same!
Being aware of the way that you make others feel through your own actions will help you become more charming, more genuine, more confidence and less shy!
Try it out =)
The Fear Of Rejection
Everyone is afraid of rejection. From childhood where we craved the attention of our parents, straight through high school where we fantasized about catching the eye of the head cheerleader, but being too afraid to even ask the class “wall flower” out to the prom.
Being told “no” isn’t fun, and we make it even harder on ourselves by EXPECTING rejection, which ultimately sets ourselves up for failure.
You need to take a different approach when involved in the dating scene. You need to approach women with the mindset that you’re already successful, and that each woman you meet is going to be interested in you.
With this confidence, your chances of being rejected will be minimal because not only will you exude confidence and appeal, but you will come across as optimistic and a positive thinker, both very attractive qualities to women.
Everyone is rejected at one point or another. Yes, even that guy you see picking up ladies every time he goes out. He’s rejected too, but the difference between him and the majority of guys on the dating scene is that he doesn’t let it affect him. He moves on, he knows it’s part of the game and that regardless how experienced, confident or successful you may be, there are bound to be women that you simply can’t connect with.
Don’t take it personally. There are women out there that will be interested in you, and better yet, they’ll be a better MATCH for you.
Why waste your time on women who can’t see your real value? Who aren’t willing to give you a fair chance?
Rejection is unavoidable. You can allow it to destroy you, consume you and hinder your chances at finding a quality woman, or you can use it to re-fuel your attempts, and chalk it up to a learning experience that is part of the process.
Before you spend precious time (and money) with women you want to make sure that you really connect. You need to test the waters, to strike up a conversation that will give you all of the information you need.
The last thing you want to do is spend $200 on drinks only to find out that her boyfriend is picking her up at the end of the night (instant strike out).
If you are only interested in making friends then maybe qualifying isn't as important to you but if you are interested in late night company, you need to make sure that she's available before you waste any time.
"Who are you here with?"
This will get to the bottom of things quickly. You'll know whether she's single, dating, married as well as if she's there with any friends.
Keep in mind as well that a woman hanging out with girlfriends is often a bit of a challenge, especially if she feels obligated to stick with her friends for the entire night.
You also want to check out what her friends are like. Are they rigid straight shooters or do they look like they're there to have fun?
You can find out a lot about potential hook ups by gauging the personality and behavior of the girls they're hanging with.
If you're interested in someone and you find that she's with a group of girls, you need to get her phone number before she's pulled away by her gal pals.
Buy her a drink, strike up conversation and casually ask for her number.
If you meet her friends and they seem cool, you're in good shape but if her friends appear to be a bit possessive, you might want to get that number before she's hauled away.
Stick to the high road, and don't waste time trying to convince her that you're better to hang with than her friends.
Just give her your number, get her number, and move on.
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